Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Catching up on B3

You mentioned to me that it was a post on B3 that helped you make your decision. Sucks to feel like a closed door. Well, in our case, I think I was a closed book if I remember.

I wish we could get back to being a team. Doesn't it take energy to block me out? It must. I don't know how I would do that. We work so much better together.

My mind races thinking about who you are opening doors with. I can't help but think about how you brought up [him] at Ken's dinner. There were more references to him in our interaction than I realized. It stings a bit.

I try to think about it. I guess I just don't believe you really want that. Maybe I am myopic. I just feel the passion when you are with me. I see your smile and wonder. I know its real. I know it is.

I think you sometimes spend time with a bunch of friends with whom you are either secretive about me or to whom you relay a negatively cathartic version of events and then you feel emboldened when they tell you to dump me.

I know the temptation. Hanging with my brother, my urge to talk to him about you is never as strong when I feel at peace and loved. Sure, you come up then, but in connection with whatever in our surroundings is relevant. Whereas, when things go bad, and you monopolize the front of my mind, the temptation is to spew all sorts of frustration. If he only heard that, my brother would hate you.

Crystal never hears about the making out, the wonderfully spontaneous laughs, finishing each others' sentences. That dynamic is natural but it makes me sad.

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